Pitsnipes Gripes

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks “Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber look around the shop and says “about 2 hours,” and the guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks…”how long before I can get a haircut?”
Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says “about 2 hours.” The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks “how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says “about an hour and a half”. The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey, Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, “this must be good, where did he go when he left here?”
Joey says, “To your house!”


A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
“I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.”
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
“Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have — meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
“Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.”
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, “Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.”
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
“Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.”
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “Hey I didn’t know that Mary worked here…”


A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students. She says, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter.”
A little girl raises her hand. saying, “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
The teacher exclaimed, “That must’ve been scary,”
The little girl said, “It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went ‘ Sssss, Sssss, Sssss ‘ and before she could say ‘ Shit, ‘ the Rottweiler ate her!”
The teacher had to leave the room.