Zombie survival

It has come to our sad attention that some among you may have forgotten one or two of the seven lethal elbows of Krav Maga.Bottom line up front: you have no idea when a surprise zombie attack might occur. And there you’ll be: scratching your dry, flakey scalp (or itching something worse), trying to remember which numbered elbow to throw.

Have no fear! Some enterprising, young elbower has made the process easier with a pictorial display. More information can be found at his site.Should you desire some video accompaniment to the deadly art of Krav Maga elbows, the following YouTube vid should suffice. You will notice the clip is in an instructional format. It does not feature real-world altercations with the undead.

My experience with these bloodless creeps has led me to believe that prepping video equipment, to capture them in their untamed glory, is nearly impossible. Yes, they are not exceedingly smart, but they are spontaneous. Sort of like Neil at a Neil Diamond concert. You know Coming to America is on the horizon. You just don’t know when. Zombies are the same way. They are coming to America. But I got nothing as to time and place.

And for our cuddly, female zombie killers: you too have options!
Do not allow the bloodsuckers to chase you all over your house, in and out of your living room, down through your laundry area, and out into your garage, without at least popping one good, close-quarters elbow.
When and if the zombies come prowling, slip some good tango music onto your iPod dock and go to town.
Alternative attack possibilities: should you be baking pies: WATCH THIS video
(Ladies, if you do one good act for yourself today, click that empowering link. Forget about Oprah, Dr. Fill, O Magazine, One Life to Live, the Wizard of Oz. . .Watch that!)

Of course, your two best alternative weapon options are a 12 gauge with silver slugs or a burlap sack with a bowling ball inside. But should one of your several shotguns be not handy, Maria Menounos (featured on: Today, Access Hollywood, Extra, and Entertainment Tonight) will video effective and deadly elbows for you to experiment with.

Please observe the one long gun per room minimum, as per Zombie safety manual (zombinst 1410.3h: Sawed-offs, due to their swingable barrel, are an ideal zombie defense weapon. Duct tape one to your leg to combat possible forgetfulness.
Months down the road and a pending zombie attack? No problems, mon. Unstick your boom stick and go  boom  Warning: do not walk through airports geared up in this fashion. We here at the Zombie Attack Prevention HQ will no longer bail team members out of the pokey should you find yourself canned.)

Lastly, for our steely-eyed killers seeking something possibly more lethal, Commando Krav Maga founder and chief instructor Moni Aizik has a blood-curdling move called the  Rihno (not to be confused with the spray-on, pickup truck liner.)
Mr. Aizik follows his Rhino defense up with an offensive move called the cat strike. Yes, it is feline-ish; yes, it is exactly what you are thinking. . .
Do watch the video. You know the zombies are. Watching the video, your house, waiting. To pounce. Argggh, zombies! There are not enough elbows in the world to rain down on them. Well, there would be, if all ZAP team members would pull their weight. (Hint, hint.)
Lastly, for our steely-eyed killers seeking something possibly more lethal, Commando Krav Maga founder and chief instructor Moni Aizik has a blood-curdling move called the Rihno (not to be confused with the spray-on, pickup truck liner.)
Mr. Aizik follows his Rhino defense up with an offensive move called the cat strike. Yes, it is feline-ish; yes, it is exactly what you are thinking. . .
Do watch the video. You know the zombies are. Watching the video, your house, waiting. To pounce. Argggh, zombies! There are not enough elbows in the world to rain down on them. Well, there would be, if all ZAP team members would pull their weight. (Hint, hint.)

Final thought- As a rule of thumb, a good Krav Maga elbow striker can, from a standstill: throw any of the above numbered elbows at a poppyseed bagel, slice it perfectly in two, smear it with chive nosh, and be smacking it before you can shriek 2 alligator. Yes Zombies, we are that good. (Caution: pumpernickel bagels, due to their robust nature, have given some of our elbow strikers fits. Stick with the lighter, seeded variety for best results.)
Word to the wise (undead): don’t mess with our numbered elbows. You will get bladed (with an elbow #6) and it will rattle your dentures.


Awsome Hat tip to The Mellow Jihadi


After watching ( and playing too many, after my son has gone to bed ) zombie games on X box
the zombie flood gate is now open